


Totally Sumos: A Totally Spies AU

by Bobdude17



Category: Super Duper Sumos (Cartoon), Totally Spies
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Univese- Sumo Wrestling, BBW, Sumo Wrestling, The totally spies trio are sumo super heroes, ssbw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29613150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobdude17/pseuds/Bobdude17
Summary: Sam, Alex, and Clover have been raised as powerful sumo warriors in the ways of the Phat. Now, having recently started living with their cousin-by-adoption Prima they have to deal with the forces of Bad Inc, lead by Miss Mister and advised by the nefarious spirit Gangus Fangus. Just goes to show no matter the universe, the girls are still kicking bad guy butt and saving the world.
Relationships: Sisters/sisters, sisters by adoption





	Totally Sumos: A Totally Spies AU

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a few years back when I thought unironically that the trio from Totally Spies would make a far better trio of sumo superheroes then the Super Duper Sumos did. This is the result of that spore of madness. 
> 
> Part One of a trilogy, with the tone getting increasingly serious (as much as anything Totally Spies or SDS can be serious) with each part.

Episode One: A Fatastic Family Meeting

“So, Prima. What do you think of your cousins?”

The mysterious and, for whatever unfathomable reason, Jewish accented Wisdom San leaned forward from his chair; his large sky-blue hands interlaced with one another as he and his three adoptive sumo-sized daughters awaited an answer.

“Well…”

13 year old Prima strained her smile to her absolute limit as she searched her mind for an answer. Although she normally missed her parents (who were a good 90% of the time either working or on vacation and thus left Prima left in charge of her own life), today was the one rare day that she was glad that they weren’t home.

“Well what?” One of her cousins, a massive ball of a blond named Clover, asked.

Her fat, rounded face was etched with a frown as she kept peering past Prima (not that it was hard to do given the sheer amount of differences in their sizes and heights) and into the kitchen; or more importantly, the refrigerator.

Hours of travel by yak had left her, her adoptive sister Alexandra, and her adoptive sister Samantha’s stomachs all emptier than bags of chips at a potato chip lover’s convention.

“Cool off Clover,” Alex shot back, hopping in her tiny chair in Clover’s direction (elsewhere in the apartment Prima could hear the falling of ceiling dust as the whole living space shook madly). “We’re just a lot to take in is all, give our cousin a break. Although I won’t mind having some one on one time with that fridge.”

Clover snorted and placed her hands on her red mawashi covered hips. “Over my moldy mawashi!”

“Besides,” Sam added loudly, cutting off Alex and Clover’s bickering before it could reach seismic sumo proportions. “It’s not every day you get to meet your newest 400 pound sumo cousins for the first time in your life.”

Sam turned to Prima and smiled, her lips pressing up against her rounded, full face. “Don’t mind them, Prima. Take as long as you need.”

“Right…” Prima said lamely. You know Politically Correct Powers of the Universe, she thought. When I wished for friends of my own or a larger family all those birthdays and Christmases ago, I didn’t mean to be quite so… literal. Or sumoy for that matter.

“Well, I’ll give you guys this much.” Prima said at last, her smiled renewed with a new sort of friendliness. “You’ve got guts!”

“Aww, thanks Cuz!” Clover beamed, reaching forward and rising up from her comparatively miniature chair like a whale breaking through the sea she embraced her cousin in a crushing bear hug that threaten to engulf the 13 year old into her tremendously thick body.

“Um… Clove?”

“Yeah, Sam?”

“I think you might want to put Prima down.”

“Why’s that?”

“Cuz she’s starting to turn the same color as her dark red dress!” Alex exclaimed. “Also, I think your fat’s starting to absorb her or something.”

“Oh. OH!”

With a mighty gasp of air and a quick prayer sent to any and all of the Politically Correct Powers of the Universe, Prima stumbled back on wobbling legs and collapsed back onto her sofa.

“Are you okay Prima?” Sam asked, reaching a thick, jiggling arm out to comfort her but deciding against it when she saw the pigtailed teen flinch at the sight.

“I-I’m good.” Prima said, gulping another breath of air down like a drowning man thrashing for a lifesaver. “I just think I’ll be the one hugging you guys from now on, okay?”

“Sorry Prima!” Clover’s face was nearly the same shade of red as her mawashi and bra, which were (differences in color aside) the only thing she, Sam, and Alex had on in terms of clothing. They were sumos after all, the three had said when Prima had first opened the door and asked just who in the world they were.

‘Expect big things Prima,’ Prima thought in a mock Wisdom San accent. Yeah, that’s the understatement of the century if there ever was one.

Outwardly, she continued her polite, well mannered, smile. “Its okay, Clove- Can I call you Clove?”

Clover nodded.

“-You just didn’t know your own strength is all.” Like with my door. Primia thought as she glanced back sourly at the gaping hole that had held a perfectly solid door inside its frames just under an hour ago.

“Sorry about the door, again!” Alex said, as if reading her thoughts, smiling awkwardly as the sumo felt a bead of sweat trickle down the back of her short black hair and against the milk chocolate brown skin of her back.

“It’s okay, really.” Prima said with a sigh, tossing a glance over to the half a dozen sacks of gold (as far as she could tell it was the real deal) that the girls and Uncle San had brought with them.

“Somehow I think that things like rent or repair payments are going to be a thing of the past.” Not that my family really needed money, the cheapskates. Prima thought cynically. Even if they are cheapskates that happened to pick the most generic-literally- city in the country and the most mediocre apartment complex in said city all just to save a quick buck.

“Well, girls. I must be off.” Wisdom said, leaping down from his chair, his mostly bearded body wishing lightly.

“Y-You’re leaving already?” Alex’s large brown eyes widen, popping out against her brown cherubic chubby cheeks and second chin.

“No, Alex.” Sam said, rolling her green eyes. “He came all this way to live with us in Generic City.”

Clover looked over the Sam. “Seriously?”

Samantha Wisdom buried her plump, round face with her two large, thick hands. “No, Clover. Not really. Didn’t either of you pay attention on the yak rider over here?”

“No, I kept worrying I was getting a mawashi rash on Harry Larry.” Clover replied.

“I kinda kept spacing out and using my PHAT vision powers to see the unicorn version of me with the bubble magic and the gem eyes, again.” Alex admitted, blushing nearly the same red as Clover’s own face had been minutes ago.

“Well unfortunately for the both of yous, I am leaving.”

Both Clover and Alex gave their adoptive father/sumo sensei tear filled, sorrowful expression.

“Oh no, the ole ‘sad sumo’ trick won’t work on me this time, young ladies!”

Suddenly, Wisdom’s stern, harsh expression soften considerable.

“Alright, come here, all three of ya.”

“Yay!” Alex cheered as she, Clover, and Alex came in for a three way belly squashing bear hug. “Group hug time!”

His mild groan of pain quickly smothered by 1200 pounds of fat and muscle, Wisdom San allowed the soft and firmness of his adoptive daughter’s three figures to wash over him one last time. You know, the beard being thought as his rail thin body was squished and tossed around like a ship on a turbulent roll of waves. All things considered, they’re not bad group of girls. By the phat I’m going to miss them.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough. Leave an old man some of his bone intact, will you?”

Red, yellow, and green mawashi contained globular guts shifted back as Clover, Alex, and Sam allowed the only father figure the three of them had ever known to breathe and regain the feeling in his body once more.

“Alright, you three.” Wisdom San cracked his back and stretched out his arms and legs. He loved his girls dearly but there was only so much even a man as old and long lived as he could take, physically speaking, before the limit was reached.

“Repeat to me the Sumo Code.”

Sam’s green eyes, Clover’s blue, and Alex’s brown all narrowed as their expressions changed from ones of sadness to seriousness. The three sumos stood up straighter, with all of them taking a step forward with their dominant legs.

“Peace: We use our size and strength to protect both it and those weaker and smaller than us.”

Clover said, rising a thick thigh and slamming it on the ground. Outside the entirety of the building shook as a few nearby birds flew away, startled by the sudden movement.

“Honor: So that we don’t abuse our girlish girths and ruined the peace for others.”

Alex raised her own dark leg and slammed it to the ground. Outside, the windows of the building began to crack crazily.

“And Truth: So that we may know Honor and Peace when we see it, and live by their combined example for both Sumos and nonSumos alike to follow.”

Like her sisters by adoption, Sam raised and lowered her own leg as well, unknowingly causing a small tidal wave off of the coast of California a week later.

In unison, they cried: “Together, we are the three Sisters of Sumo who live by the PHAT. We are-“

Sam, Alex, and Clover turned around so that their mawashi clad massively round and large behinds face each other. “THE SUPER DUPER SUMOS!”

Six big bountiful butt cheeks collided and from the center of their mawashi covered anuses a bright beam of light erupted forth. For a brief moment Prima feared that the light would burst through her roof but let out a sigh of relief when she saw it vanished as it touched the ceiling.

The girls turned to Wisdom San and bowed deep as their elephantine bodies would allow.

Wisdom San bowed back. “Well, girls. So long. Eat well, keep up with your training, and try not to be too much of a pain in the bumpkus for your cousin, you hear?”

“We won’t, father.” The three sumos chorused back.

The imprint of a smile appeared on the beard-being face.

“Good.”

As he turned and made his way to the door, Prima raced in front of him. “Let me walk you out to your yak to see you off, Uncle.”

Wisdom San raised a questioning brow but shrugged carelessly. “Sure kiddo, why not?”

Prima turned her attention back to her three ton trio of cousins.

“You guys are more than welcome to make yourselves at home. Watch some TV. Just stay off of the couch.” Prima paused for a moment before adding, “And stay out of the fridge too. There’s a smorgasbord down a few blocks from the apartment I can take you girls out for lunch when I get back.”

When Prima and Wisdom San had finally left, Clover, Alex, and Sam all turned to each other.

“TV sound good to you girls?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded.

“I’m game.” Clover said. With a thud that only 1200 pounds of fat and muscle sitting down on the ground could cause, Sam reached over and picked up the remote, flicking the TV to live with the press of the button.

“I wonder if they have PBS here.” Alex asked aloud.

“I’m hoping for the weather channel myself.” Sam commented.

A few seconds later, the entire lower floor that held Prima’s loggings quaked mightily.

“OH MY PHAT!” Clover exclaimed, her jaw dropping into her second chin. “This TV has more than three channels on it!”

“And none of them have any static!” Alex added with an equally flabbergasted expression.

“Come on girls,” Sam said as she continued to flick through the channels to find something worth watching. “Let’s try to control ourselves and- Hold my mawashi, is that a science channel? THEY HAVE A TV CHANNEL ALL ABOUT SCIENCE? WHY WASN’T I TOLD ABOUT THIS?!”

**TOTALLY SUMOS**

“So girls, how are you liking your first taste of mod-“ Prima felt her tongue stick dry in her mouth when she arrived back after seeing her Great Great Great Great Uncle off.

“Alex.”

“Yeah?”

“This is going to no doubt be a question I’m going to regret asking, but why in the name of sanity are you sitting on top of Clover and Sam like their your personal pillows?”

“Well, you see Sammy found this science channel, Clove got bored five minutes in, grabbed the remote, found this body building contest of really ripped guys, and well, next thing you know both of them were threatening to solve it the only way we sumos know how.”

“And you sitting on them comes in… where exactly?”

“Oh, that’s just about how I always wind up mediating Sam and Clover’s fights when they get too out of control for even the sumo ring to hold.”

Alex then glanced around the room. “You might want to think of getting one installed in your place, now that I think about it.”

“I’ll think about it.” Prima said blankly. Politically Correct Powers of the Universe knew how she was going to explain a sumo ring to her parents the next time they were home before their next business trip.

“So are you going to let them go or-“

“That depends,” Alex leaned forward and Clover and Sam’s heads poked out from one of each of Alex’s brown buttock. “Are you two going to promise to behave yourselves?”

“Yes,” Sam said, her voice weak and strained.

“Totally.” Clover’s voice had a similar infliction to Sam’s.

“Good!” Leaping with an amount of agility that caused Prima to take a step back in shock, Alex was back on her feet, brushing dust off of her bare knees while Sam and Clover also quickly lumbered back upright.

Guess this girls have more than just guts on them. “So, who’s up for a late lunch, early dinner?”

Two and a half hours later, Prima had come to regret ever uttering those words.

“That was… incredible.” Samantha gently patted her drum tight, ballooned sphere of a stomach with her fat thick, grease and sauce covered large fingers. Her equally engorged out sisters nodded and groaned in agreement.

In the past two and a half hours the three sumo sisters had managed to consume nearly every speck of food in the place. Alex had stuck with China and Japan, Clover mostly American food like burgers, fries, and gallons upon gallons of a rainbow of milkshakes flavors, while Sam had stuck with mostly Italian fair. But no matter the country of origin, the food of the Generic City Smorgasbord had all meet the same sumo sized fate.

“I know, right?” Clover said. “I don’t think I’ve been this full since my Sumo Sixteen.”

“You said it Clove,” Alex said in a low voice, breath thick with Sushi remains and egg rolls, her forehead (along with the foreheads of her adoptive sisters) slick with sweat from all the work she had done eating the over 50 pounds of food that churned and gurgled under her brown, ball of a belly.

“My compliments to the chef.” Alex leaned forward, the back of her mustard yellow mawashi (which had since sunk even further into her backside since the sumos had started eating) clad rear end began to shake.

*poot*

“Alex! How could you?” Sam looked to her sumo sister with a look that combined shock with disgust.

“Seriously, Alex, not cool.” Clover said, shaking her head in shame.

Sandwiched in between the collective 800 pounds of Sam and Clover’s fat rolls, Prima couldn’t help but smile slightly. Well, at least they aren’t complete barbari-

“You know full well if you’re going to fart, put some actual strength in it. How else is the cook going to know we enjoyed his food?” Sam continued. She lifted her right butt cheek and a powerful honking blast of gas erupted forth.

*hooooooooonnnnnnnkkkkkkkk*

Prima gagged as the smell of rancid garlic came wafting through, though the three sumos seemed completely unbothered by the smell.

“Yeah, Alex, that’s, like, meal appreciation 101. Duh.”

*flurppppppppppppppppppppp*

This can NOT be happening. Prima thought as her eyes began to water as the faded smell of cheeseburgers, milkshakes, and salty French fries blasted her poor helpless nose without a care in the world. Please tell me this is not happening.

“Sorry, guys.”

“Aren’t you going to try and make up for that sorry excuse of a fart?” Sam’s tone was that of a scolding mother as she folded her thick, fat jiggling across her vast green brad chest.

“I’ll try…” Alex shut her eyes and began to concentrate her inner PHAT powers, as her butt once began to shake and rumble.

*Fuuuurrrrrrtttttttttt*

Yup, Prima thought as the sweet embrace of unconsciousness started to cradle her mind. This is totally happening. Yay me.

TOTALLY SUMOS

“Hey, girls, I think she’s finally coming too!”

“W-Where am I?” Being only 13 years old, Prima had never experienced what it was like to be hung over. However, she had the distinct impression that it was a very similar experience to what she was going through right now.

The first thing Prima noticed was that she was being carried like a potato sack on Samantha’s broad, soft shoulder. The second was that the four of them were moving, and the third was that they were outside, the sun setting on Generic City, casting the urban area in a bath of twilight.

“What happened to the restaurant?” Prima’s eyes went wide. “Tell me you girls didn’t eat the restaurant.”

“Why in the heck would we do that?” Clover asked. “We’re sumos. Not building eaters.”

“Although… We kinda… sorta… maybe got just a teeny tiny bit banned for life from the buffet place.” Alex admitted with a nervous grin.

“Turns out between us eating all of his food and gassing out his customers- the wimps- we didn’t exactly endure the head chef to our continued patronage.” Sam explained with a sniff. “Which is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I mean it’s called an all you can eat buffet for a reason, right? Besides, how were we supposed to know city people had a low threshold for something as natural as butt bombs?”

“I know!” Clover said. “It’s like these people have never seen 400 pound 18 year old female sumos before.”

“Just wake me when we get back to the house.” Prima muttered.

“We’re back at the house!” Alex cried, a moment later.

Prima stared at her living room, head still swimming with smells of foods digested past. She turned back to the girls.

“I’ma get you three settled in for the night.” Maybe with a little luck afterward she’d be able to find where her parents kept their wine collection stashed away. Powers knew she needed a drink, and juice and soda alone weren’t going to cut it for a job of this size. It would take both just to help her take the edge off. 

“Are you sure you guys are comfortable like that?” Prima asked. The apartment complex next to her’s had, amazingly, more than enough room and space for three sumo teenagers, and even a sumo ring in the living room. Whatever Wisdom San had lacked in teaching the girls basic human civilized manner, he had more than made up for in preparing the apartment room for their arrival.

“We’re good.” Alex said, her head sticking up between the combined cleavages of both Sam and Clover as she rested between them like ambiguously brown sandwich filling. Clover rested flat on her back while Sam’s backside faced the ceiling, her face looking down at the floor and her two sisters. “This is how we’ve been sleeping since we were girls. Caves don’t have much in the way of bedding you know.”

“We call it the sumo sandwich,” Sam explained. “I’m the top loaf of bread. Alex is the filling, and Clover’s the bottom loaf.”

Prima remained silent. “… Well, goodnight girls. If you need anything at all, I’m just down the hall.” Please for the love of all the powers in the universe _don’t_ need anything.

**TOTALLY SUMOS**

With a weary sigh that would have impressed a long marching, war tried soldier, Prima collapsed back and bottom first into her sofa, which was incidentally the only piece of furniture in the living room that her colossal cousins hadn’t destroyed with their vast bulks.

Maybe some quality time with Mr. Boob Tube will cheer me up.

For the second time that day, Prima’s television hummed to life and moments later, the 13 year old girl was greeted by a familiar image. On front of her TV screen was a tall, deathly thin woman in a long black dress, a red circular amulet wrapped around her scrawny neck, and her black-with-yellow-stripes hair tied back in a tight, professional bun.

The woman gave the camera a wolfish smile, showing all of her pearl white teeth.

“Really, now. I just don’t see what the issue is.”

“MissMister, can I call you just Miss for short?” An interview out of the camera’s view asked.

“You may.”

“Miss, it’s just that you’re whole ‘destroy the world’ statement from earlier. Surely you weren’t in the right frame of mind when you made that statement, or was taken out of context.”

“Oh believe me Jim-“

“John.”

“Whatever. I was. Allow me to clarify. The world has at the moment, what, 5 billion people on it?”

“I believe that’s the rough amount, yes.”

“Now wouldn’t you agree that five billion of anything is just far too much for any one person or group of people to keep track of?”

“Well… Yes, I suppose.” Prima imaged that local Generic City news reporter and interviewer John Johnson was sweating bullets as he and anyone else with half a brain who might have been watching the program put the pieces together.

“So wouldn’t it make sense to thin that five billion to a much smaller amount? Just think about it John: No more city pollution, no more worrying about global warming or overpopulation. No more nations and their petty bickering costing lives and money. No more income tax! No more worrying about that annoying neighbor next door. No more having to worry about learning more than one language. Just imagine it John: One world of a few million under a tight, controlling, fist.”

“Yours, in other words.”

“No, Bozo the Clown’s. Yes, my fist. MY control. My way.”

“A-And what-“

“Makes me think I’ll get away with it?”

Prima shivered as MissMister’s ruby red eyes burned with intense passion.

“Oh, just a little thing called the 30th Amendment that gives all people-as-corporations diplomatic immunity from the Federal government and the governments of other nations. Besides which, Bad Incorporated- and by extension myself- already own this city to do with as I see fit. So who’s going to stop me?”

“Thanks, Raegan.” Prima muttered darkly, shutting the TV off- and thereby eliminating MissMister’s cold yet deranged face.

Prima sighed as she allowed the sofa’s softness to cradle and comfort her. Could be worse, she thought. Mom and Dad could be workers for Bad Inc as oppose to ‘independently employed’. As the young girl sat in silence, staring at her blackened screen, her mind began to wander back to the conversion she and her Great Great Great Great Uncle had spoken before he had left back for Asia.

_“So, what do you think of the girls?” Wisdom San asked as he and Prima made their way down the_

_“Honestly?”_

_“Truth is one of the pillars of PHAT, so yes, honesty would be nice, Prima.”_

_“Their-“_

_“OH MY PHAT! This TV has more than three channels on it!”_

_“Nice I guess? Not much I can say other than the fact that they’re the size of bulldozers. I’m pretty mature for my age so I should be able to handle them, sumoness or no sumoness.”_

_“Good, good. If you need help, try Samantha. She’s the oldest of the three, emotionally and mentally speaking-”_

_”THEY HAVE A TV CHANNEL ALL ABOUT SCIENCE?” Sam’s voice boomed. “WHY WASN’T I TOLD ABOUT THIS?!”_

_Prima rolled her eyes. “So what, she’s ten and Clover and Alex are 5, emotion wise?”_

_“Hey, if you were an 18 year old 400 pound sumo wrestler who was raised in a cave, do you think you’d be all that emotionally mature?”_

_“… Fair point.” Prima admitted, after thinking her uncle’s statement over._

_“Uncle?” She asked, looking towards his oblong blue nose. “I can I ask you a question? Besides, that one, obviously.”_

_Wisdom San smiled lightly. “I’ll do ya one better, kiddo, I’ll let ya ask three questions.”_

_“Three… huh?” Prima thought for a moment. “Are we related? I know I’m supposed to be your Great Great Great Great Niece and all but the lack of a family resemblance has always kinda bugged me.”_

_“That depends on how you define relations, Prima. As the Ancient Poet Marsho once said when he saw his first ever sumo match some 2000 years ago: ‘Truly, we are all siblings of the phat. Also, put me down for 50 yen on the big one in the pink mawashi in the next match.’_

_Prima chuckled. “You know, for a moment there, I almost thought ole Masho was going to have something non-anachronistic to say.”_

_“Please, the man was a time traveler, never could remember what invention came from what decade or century or continent. “_

_“Wait, is that why all his saying are- Never mind! Regardless, that doesn’t answer my question, Uncle.”_

_“I suppose it doesn’t. You said you wanted the truth, correct?”_

_Prima smirked. “Truth is one of the pillars of Phat after all.”_

_“Touché, touché. Well the truth of the matter is, we’re not related. Not by blood at least. You know the old saying ‘Blood is thicker than water?’”_

_Prima nodded._

_“Well they got it wrong, and I should know, I coined that saying centuries ago! The saying should go ‘Bonds are thicker than blood.’ Take the girls for instance. None of them are sisters by blood but if you ever implied that they weren’t real sisters- or real sumos for that matter- brother, would you be in for a world of hurt! Point is, Prima, the girls and I may not related to you by blood, but we are a family where it truly counts.”_

_“The phat?”_

_“I was going to say the heart, actually, but the phat works just as well. You got a second question to ask?”_

_“Well, just how old are you?”_

_“Let me put it this way boobee, I was an old man back when some carpenter’s son was handing out free wine and fish like it was going out of style. That answer your question?”_

_“Not really, but I get the feeling in my gut that that’s as close an answer as I’m going to get.”_

_“Your gut would be right. Another little bit of old man wisdom: Just because you aren’t a sumo, doesn’t mean that you can’t have guts of your own.”_

_“What, do you mean trust in my instincts type guts, or have courage type guts, or what?”_

_Wisdom remained silent for a moment, before remarking. “Well, there’s my ride.”_

_Parked outside the building, gnawing on a bit of dried out tuff of grass, was a lumpy, brown, wollymcbully yak._

_“You still owe me one more question.” Prima said, placing her hands on her nearly nonexistent hips._

_“That I do, ask it, then.”_

_“Is there anything I should know about the gold?”_

_“What? Ya mean if it’s counterfeit or somethin’? Course it’s not. Do you think I’d be willing to give away that much gold to you and the girls if it was going to come back and bite ya in the behinds?”_

_“I suppose not. Just wanted to make sure is all.”_

_Wisdom smiled towards Prima. “You got a good head on ya shoulders, kiddo. You’ll make a fine stable master for the girls.”_

_“Don’t you mean babysitter?” Prima asked in half jest._

_“Tomato, potato.” Wisdom San shrugged. “If ya need me I need to see a yak about a trip across the Pacific Ocean. See ya, Prima, and give the girls my best for me.”_

TOTALLY SUMOS

Prima woke with a start. Blinking, she glanced over at the clock, which read: 9:30 PM. I must have dozed off. Prima thought as she let out a giant yawn, lips smacking. “Still, might as well get myself off to bed. Somehow I get the feeling I’m going to have a very big day ahead of me tomorrow.”

The next, Generic City Mall: 10:35 AM.

“How in the world did I manage to lose two collectively 800 pound sumos?” Prima grumbled to herself.

“Hey, I tried to warn you,” Sam said with a frown as she and Prima continued to walk/waddle their way through the second floor of the mall in what was fast becoming a vain hope of finding either Clover or Alex. “Those two can be sneaky when they want to be.”

“Yeah, their regular super-sized spies.” Prima said, plopping her rail thin body onto a nearby bench.

Sam chose to stay standing upright, least her vast bottom became the last thing to grace that bench until a swift obliteration.

“What I don’t get is where in the heck they’ve could have gone too. We’ve already checked all the food stands and the food court, not including the candy story Alex knocked down, the hamburger joined Clover wiped out, and your little stunt with that Mexican joint.”

“Which you didn’t even let me finish off,” Sam complained. “I mean it was a pretty sad amount of grub, but still-“

“Sam, after what you and your sisters pulled last night, I’ll be an ape’s aunt if I let any of you three near anything with beans in it.”

“You know,” Sam said with an annoyed frown. “A little gas never hurt anyone. Besides, it’s natural.”

“A little gas, no. An entire fogs worth of gas is another matter altogether. As for it being natural, so are twisters and hurricanes.”

“Look, us bickering isn’t going to help us find Alex or Clover any quicker, so whatever resentment issues you might have against us Prima, it can wait until after we’ve find them.”

Well, at least Wisdom San was right about her being the most mature of the three. Prima thought. “You’re right. Although, for the record, I don’t hate you guys or anything it’s just-“

“That we’re a lot to take it?”

Prima nodded, causing Sam to smile. “Yeah, I thought as much. It’s why I told Clove and Alex to try and not be so hard on you, considering everything you’ll have to put up with.”

“Why are you guys here, anyways? Wisdom mentioned something about vanquishing evil but the only figure in the city who would fit that description would be MissMister.”

“Well, what we’re actually looking for is a being called- I see them!”

Prima frowned slightly in thought. “You’re looking for someone called “Iseethem?”

“No, I mean I see Clover and Alex!”

Following the trail of Sam’s thick, large index finger Prima’s eyes widened when she saw what Clover and Alex were wearing.

Sam turned in the direction of a smack, to see that Prima had buried her face in the palm of her hands. “Of all the type of outfits in the world, why did they have to go for the string bikinis? It covers even less than the bras and mawashi belts do!”

“So what did you call this thing again?” Clover asked the saleswoman, who was doing her professional best in NOT having the mental/emotional breakdown she desperately wanted at that moment.

“Those are our top of the line bikinis. Very flexible.” Although how both of your fatasses even fit in them is something I’m still having trouble figuring that part out.

“Weird.” Alex commented. “We always just thought these were funny looking mawashis back home.”

“Hahaha…ha.” The saleswoman’s laughter died down the moment she realized that neither 400 pound teen was joking.

“You okay?” Clover asked her.

“Oh, great. Just remembered a real funny joke is all.”

“Clover, Alex!”

Both mountainous masses of female fat turned in the direction of the voice, glancing down slightly before breaking out into smiles.

“Hey Prima, hey Sam.”

Good Lord, there’s another one. The saleswoman’s body froze, still as plywood, when she saw the rounded redhead in her strange green diaper thingy- similar to the red and yellow ones that the blond and brown skinned girl had coming into her store- waddle inside the store’s entrance.

“Where the heck have you two been?!”

“We were doing what you told us to do, buying some new clothes.”

“One: how would you two do that without any money? And two: What is the point of buying something that covers even less of your massive backsides then it already does?”

“Oh.” Alex turned to Clover. “Told ya we were forgetting something.”

Clover, however, simply frowned at Prima. “So… we’re not getting the buttkinis then?”

“Bikinis.” The saleswoman muttered.

“Whatever.” Clover said with a wave of her meaty, thick, hand.

“I-“ Prima’s voice stopped midway in her throat as Clover’s bright, blue eyes watered and magnified in size.

“Alright, fine.”

TS*

Is it worrying that I’m starting to get used to this insanity? Prima thought as she watched Clover, Alex, and Sam shovel piles of hamburgers that would have been enough to feed a family of 10. As it was, it was just barely enough to fill the three sumos up.

Clover let out a blech at the strained bathing suit that she had recently purchased snapped off, leaving her in her mawashi and regular top. A moment later, the same happened to Alex.

“See,” Sam said, wagging a finger. “I told you those outfits wouldn’t last long.”

“Eh. They were nice while they lasted.” Alex said, shrugging.

“Totally.” Clover nodded. The blond then turned to Prima. “Thanks again for paying for the snack, Prima.”

“No problem, Clove.” A part of Prima wanted to say that the only reason why she had bought the three of them what would have otherwise constituted as a lunch to anyone else was because their collective stomach growling threatened to cause a magnitude 3 earthquake. As it was, she kept her mouth shut. “I mean, it’s not like this day can get any weirder-“

Suddenly, the ground shook madly as Clover, Sam, and Alex all quavered like vanilla and chocolate jellotian treats. A low rumbling shook the mall to its foundations, then, a raging massively roaring creature in the shape of a ham sandwich burst through the local Generic City vanilla ice cream shop. Thankfully, since the shop was closed that day, nothing of value was lost.

“Is that a giant ham sandwich?” Alex asked, staring wide eyed at the beast as it bellowed forth a roast beef scented roar.

“Looks like it. Question is, where did it come from?” Sam muttered, thinking the scientific possibilities over in her mind.

TS

“Stinger?”

“Yes, Missmister?”

“Is there a reason why a ham sandwich is attacking Generic City Mall?”

“You said you wanted to release plan A. My lunch was it.”

“… Dare I ask what plan B would have been?”

“Oh, that would have been turning my beloved stuffed bear Binkey into a raging monster, your vileness.”

“Ah. Course it would have. Stinger?”

“Yes, Missmister?”

“You’re fired.”

“Madam, you do know that Dr. Stinger is the only mad scientist in Generic City, right?” Billy Smith asked when the hunchbacked had left the room.

“Yes, but I don’t fire Stinger on a near daily basis for any practical purpose. I just do it for my sake of mind. Though, if you don’t get me those reports by lunch, your turtle necked hide WILL be fired and not in the cheap running gag sense either!”

“Yes, Missmister.”

SR

“Who cares where it came from girls!” Clover clapped her palms together and licked her lips as her stomach growled like an attack dog. “It’s time to sumo size!”

Alex looked to Prima. “You might want to stand back, cuz. We’re about to get big and we don’t want to squish you in the process, okay?”

Prima opened her mouth to complain, but the sudden dropping of ceiling debris in front of her shut her mouth for her. Wordlessly, she dashed off to a nearby hiding space many yards away, leaving the girls plenty of room to do battle with their ham-flavored foe (the shop owners and pedestrians had since ran for their lives).

“You girls ready to show this walking delicatessen dork what the Super Duper Sumos are capable of!” Clover glanced to her adoptive sisters as she crouched down.

“Heck yay!” Alex proudly placed her hands on her hips as she did the poses as Clover. “I’ve been itching for some action since coming we got here.”

“Time to show the world the fruits of Wisdom San’s training.” Sam slapped her bent knees with one hand, then the opposite knee with the other, her body in the same pose as her sisters.

“Peace: We use our size and strength to protect both it and those weaker and smaller than us.”

Clover raised her leg high, stomping the ground sumo style.

“Honor: So that we don’t abuse our girlish girths and ruined the peace for others.”

Alex raised her own dark leg and slammed it to the ground.

“And Truth: So that we may know Honor and Peace when we see it, and live by their combined example for both Sumos and nonSumos alike to follow.”

Like her sisters by adoption, Sam raised and lowered her own leg as well, unknowingly causing a small tidal wave off of the coast of California a week later.

In unison, they cried: “Together, we are the three Sisters of Sumo who live by the PHAT. We are-“

“THE SUPER DUPER SUMOS!”

A glow of light enveloped the three sumotori and the raging sandwich creature paused as the light intensified like a flash grenade. The flash settled a moment later, and both the rampaging creature and Prima stared at the three figures that stood before them. Though Prima only got a look at their somehow even MORE massive backsides, even from the back she could tell that the girls had gone through some sort of transformation. The biggest tell were the visibly muscle bulging arms and broader shoulders, though even their usually subby-ish thighs seemed taller, thicker, and larger. Same for their even farther jutting hips and what she could only assume were the same for their guts and breasts.

“And here I thought they were just a bunch of childish butterballs…” Prima thought aloud. “Turns out their childish butterballs with the power to become freaking wrecking balls… Who knew?”

TS

The amulet around Missmister’s neck radiated crimson. Frowning, the CEO/Future World Destroyer touched the amulet and a green mist came spilling out like a fog machine.

“What is it, Gangus Fangus?”

The emerald mist materialized into a squat, ancient spirit with withered remains of what had once been a mighty beard and mustache centuries ago.

“He’s finally showed his hand, the bearded jerk!”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that things are about to get a lot more interesting around here.”

TS

“SUMO SQUEEZE!”

Arms stretched to elastic-like levels, Sam lead the jaws of the ham sandwich creature back with both of her large, massively muscled arms as the shook from fatigue before finally bringing the creature’s maw together with a snap.

“Now, girls!” Clover and Alex leaped into action and began slamming the creature’s crusted sides with building shaping palm strike after palm strike.

“This totally isn’t working!” Clover grunted between piston-like blows.

“Yeah, this things’ bready body is just absorbing all our attacks!”

“Then use your individual moves already!” Sam cried, sweat pouring down her face by the gallon. “I can’t keep this thing under control much longer!”

Clover look to Alex, and both sister sumos nodded.

Once more, Clover soared upward into the air before curling her knees in a cannon-ball pose and pointing herself butt-first at the monster. “Peaceful Posterior Plummet!”

Her red mawashi clad blubbery but solid butt smashed into the monster, causing its lettuce legs to cave it from under it.

“Pinball of Honor!” Curling her massive frame into a tight near-perfect sphere, Alex brought her arms together on her chest as started to bounce around like her attack name would imply, and when her momentum had reached its apex she threw her rounded body in front of the monster’s face.

At the last second, Sam leaped to the side and the monster tried to rear back, only for Clover’s 400 body (50 pounds of which where her butt) to keep it helplessly pinned as Alex’s wrecking ball body crashed.

WHAM!

Now it’s my turn! Out loud, Sam yelled, “Move back some Clove, it’s my turn to show this oversize lunch what I’m really made of!”

Scooting back, Clover grinned as Sam jumped into the air at an angle aiming for the front of monster’s body with her stomach.

“Bellyful Bash!”

With a pained deathly roar, the Monster jerked madly under the combined weight of three 1800 pound sumo wrestlers, before finally giving up the ghost and embracing its sandwichy death.

“Alright!” Clover cheered, getting up to her feet and flicking bread crumbs off of her butt with a jiggle of her backside. “We totally did you guys!”

“Yeah we did!” Alex ran over to Clover and the two gave each other victorious jumping belly bumps.

“So, you girls know what that means?” Sam asked, waddling towards the two as all three of their bodies began to revert to their normal 400 pound of individual fat selves.

Alex and Clover flashed knowing grins.

“Supersized sumo sisters butt bash!” All three turned and slammed their butts together in a hi-five manner.

“You girls were amazing!”

Sam, Alex, and Clover turned to see Prima dashing towards them, eyes wide and bringing with energy.

“I mean, I thought you were just a bunch of… Never mind what I thought before, the point is, you three got guts!”

“Well, at 400 pounds I would hope our guts are pretty big.” Alex reply with an innocent tone.

“Hey, girls?”

Everyone turned to Clover. “Anyone else want to eat this thing now that it’s dead. I mean, it is technically still a perfectly good ham sandwich, plus its sumo sized and everything!”

TS

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, three young, broad shouldered men in skintight jumpsuits were scanning a nearby warehouse, each holding WHOOP branded binoculars. One was a scruffy blond haired blue eyed Caucasian in a blue suit, standing next to his teammate, African American whose suit was as black as midnight.

“Hey, Mamoo?”

“Yeah, Booma?”

“You ever get the weird feeling that something about our lives as totally radical spies for WHOOP isn’t how it’s supposed to be? Like, there was some sort of weirdly contrived mix up at the hospitals where we were born and we’re supposed to be doing something else at the moment.”

“Booma, really not the time, man. We’re on a mission.”

“I know, but still…”

A pause passed between the two.

“Look, man.” Mammoo said. “if this is about that Passion Patties thing and that random little sumo match you had against that one minion of Bittersweets after you had blown yourself up like a football-“

“But there is something about that fight that felt so… right, ya know.”

“In truth? No. I- Hold up!”

Both spies peered through their binoculars and saw the familiar gleam of Kimo’s red spy suit as he silently took out the guards with series of quick, effective karate chops and pressure point jabs.

Mamoo grinned. “Looks like we got work to do!”


End file.
